I can not tell you how many blogs I’ve started. If we’re being honest, which we always are, I’ve had so many now-defunct blogs that I could write a book on how NOT to start a blog!
For a very long time, I’ve held onto the bones of my past blogs and counted off failure after failure until I lost count. I was even hesitant to start this one because I feared that it would become just another thing that I failed at. The crippling weight of my perceived failures that burdened me was years in the making and it took up until the moment right before I started this blog to begin the process of shedding some of that weight.
I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends and I told her how I wanted to start this blog, but I was afraid because I didn’t want to fail again. She was silent for a few seconds and she asked me, “why do you think that you failed?”
Why did I think that I failed? What is it that I thought made me a failure?
I began listing all of my emotions, the shame that it didn’t work out, the embarrassment of popping up with a different blog and asking my friends and family to check out my newest website and them asking what happened to the other blog, the rejection of people not being receptive to my work, the envy of other more successful blogs and the stress of crunching out content when my heart was no longer in it.
She told me, “Jas, I don’t think you failed, I think those other blogs just didn’t work out.” And at that moment I felt two things, the first was that I loved her for enabling me by turning my lack of achievement into something somewhat positive and the second thing was that she was actually right! Those other blogs didn’t work out for me.
I’ve had countless beauty and fashion blogs, a beauty YouTube channel, Instagrams and unused Twitter profiles, but none of it felt like me. None of it felt genuine. Sure, I love makeup and shoes, handbags, and a good Express haul every now and again, but those things didn’t fulfill me. I desperately wanted them to, but I just felt as empty and as hollow as my blogs were when I was pretending to be someone I thought my readers wanted me to be.
I am a person who loves to help people, I love to bring people happiness through humor, food, a shoulder to cry on, good advice or a good conversation. Not that I couldn’t do that before, but before just didn’t work for me.
That day, thanks to my girlfriend’s compassion and advice, I learned that you really only fail when you don’t get back up and try again. And I never stopped, I kept trying to find a niche that I was knowledgeable in, that I believed my readers could benefit from and would enjoy reading, but most importantly, something that I enjoyed and benefited from.
Lack of success an unsuccessful person, enterprise, or thing.
So it’s okay to fail, it’s okay that that thing you really wanted to do, didn’t work out. It sucks, oh my gosh, does falling on your ass suck, but it won’t kill you as long as you get back up. Failure is apart of life, and this is going to sound really cliché, but anything worth doing is never easy to do all of the time.
I don’t know if this website will work or if it won’t and I’ll be back to the drawing board, but I can honestly say that I am enjoying the process. I believe in the words that I write, and I believe that someone will read this and will find the motivation to pick themselves up and try again and that is enough for me to feel in my heart that this one may just be my success.