Welcome back Girlfriends!
Today I want to talk about something that has been on my mind and I just really need to get it out there.
I was talking to a good girlfriend of mine a while back and she, like most of us, is so tired of dating. There is the insane pressure to find the one, the stress of commitment or lack there of, the games that are played to find out if we are a “we” or still a “you and I”, and the never-ending stream of F*&$ Boys, we see you and we do not approve of your antics SIR!
As I was listening to her vent, she said something that struck a cord with me, she said “I see all these girls with no job, no ambition, who were loads of makeup, and they get all the men… maybe I should be like them.” PUMP YOUR BEAUTIFUL BREAKS AND HOLD UP MA’AM! First, why would you want to be comparable to anything that lacks ambition?
Look, I get it, we’ve ALL been there. I had a moment of weakness when I was in college and I found myself hanging around with the above mentioned girl… we will call her Veronica.
Veronica looked like she had it all, a cute car, and amazing body, and an unending supply of money (without a job, mind you). Meanwhile, I was not in the best space mentally, I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, and I had no idea who I was outside of my ex. Veronica could and did easily manipulate me into being her and I was more than ready to learn her ways. We were always together and we had a lot of fun too, but the more we hung out, the less I liked who I was becoming. Before I go any further, I just want it known, I’m not judging her hustle, I’m just saying it’s not for me. #doyouVeronicaboo
Long story short, she used her body to manipulate men, or to play their game but better. Girl she had those boys all but paying her rent, and sometimes with the right motivation, her rent was paid right on time. She broke up relationships and laughed about it and she never had to buy weed or drinks, I mean ever. She even used me more than once to get what she wanted from other men. I remember one time, I asked her not to invite this one guy over because even though we once had a thing, he made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want to see him. She invited me over for game night and lo and behold, guess who was at the table when I walked in… turns out, he had really good weed and Veronica was out and needed a refill. Homeboy was more than happy to share as long as I was there too. #notcool.
Veronica hated any other girl that I called a friend and together she and I were terrible to my best friend… I wasn’t innocent and I’m not going to play like I was. Girls like Veronica don’t have friends, they have toys, lots and lots of toys, and trust and believe, Veronica hated sharing her toys with other girls. Even though I saw all of this and the logical side of myself knew I had to get out of this friendship, I had everything I thought I wanted. Men adored me, and according to Veronica, we could easily be hanging out with the Warriors if we played our cards right.
Girl, I was so lost.
I did finally end my toxic relationship with Veronica because really, Veronica was more of a train wreck than I was, we both ended up on academic probation, she got kicked out of school for poor grades and I ended up working my ass off to improve my GPA. Since Veronica was no longer in school anymore, I started hanging out with other people and I made some great friends. I ended up graduating with a 3.75 GPA. I still saw Veronica every once in a while until that relationship ultimately died. Once I was free of her, I saw that I had so much work to do to repair the relationships I disrespected.
So I tell you this story to say, that from the outside that life might look easy, but really, those girls take just as many L’s as any other girl. There is no reason for you to want to change yourself in anyway to find a man, or to “have it easier” whatever that means. But if you are reading this and you think the grass is greener, I promise it’s not and more so you will die inside because honestly, its just not who you are, so you will feel fake and it will always feel off. You should only want to change yourself for the better and when you are really doing well, everything else will fall into place, naturally!